Wednesday, December 06, 2006
been starving myself for weeks.. ever since the day he wanna leave, i start to think that its not onli because of my character but also my image.. im too fat.. too lazy to beautify myself..
i started to eat only one meal a day.. it wasn't too bad as that meal will contain carbohydrate.. and that has make mi lose 3kgs in 2 weeks.. really happy with the result.. as everyone can really see the sudden change.. but still, he din see it.. he din realise i have become smaller in size.. *sighs* so i decided i still needa lose one more kg... and now, im eatin only one slice of bread a day wif plain water.. two advantage of such dietin habit: (1) i get to save $$... (2) i get to lose weight.. hahaha..
im usin up all my energy to bear with the starvation that i am sufferin.. my frens always say cannot eat is a sufferin.. now i really agree.. i am not sure if i like wat im doin.. but i jus wish to seek his attention, care and concern.. i can be as skiny as those beautiful girls, jus give mi some time..
freedom.. what is freedom?? i dunno how to really define it.. what type of freedom shld a couple give to each other?? can someone tell mi??
i am tryin so hard now to give him all the freedom he wants in the world.. no matter what he wanna do, i let him be.. during this 3 weeks, i learn that absence is actually a very good thing.. and also, i learn that he dun really need mi.. i think he enjoy the freedom he's havin.. n i will continue to give.. in a r/s, both shld give n take.. think i take too much so now is the time for mi to give.. im willin to give all i can..
been really tired with myself.. studyin, workin, dietin and tryin hard to please him.. i think what im doin now is not enuff.. i needa lose another 2kgs.. needa get one more part time in the night.. shld go school every single day.. and onli meet him once or twice a week.. dun care bout what he's doin outside.. dun care bout who he is meetin.. dun care a bout his whereabout.. dun care of what he wanna do with his day..
dunno if this will work.. but this is what u told mi... u wan ultimate freedom... yups...
...La NaNa...
12:38 PM