Tuesday, June 13, 2006
its been a long long time since i blogged.. hmmm.. there has been lotsa stuffs happenin to mi.. been hurt emotionally.. mentally.. almost physically...
was really havin bad depression fur da pass two weeks.. its really a hard time to go thru man.. *sighs* many things happened.. too many.. too soon.. too fast.. too sudden..
was unable to accept wat my dad has done.. leaving all those shits behind fur mi n my sis to clear them up fur him.. so sad.. he nv spare a tot fur us.. i am not askin too much of u dad.. i jus wish that u can get a grip of yaself and do sumthin useful.. he has been slackin at home doin nuttin fur the past two years.. i agree to him that he is old and findin a full time job would be hard on him.. but he seems to be thinkin of becummin rich no matter wat method he can use.. i jus cant stand it.. now mi n my sis do not depend on him financially.. just need him to support himself.. not us.. i dun understan why it is jus so hard..
haven been home fur a long time.. even when i am home, either nobody's home or they are jus all slpin.. i dun feel any love and care there.. jus four walls of coldness starin at mi.. though i am always out, he do not need to think of sellin my hse away.. he is jus so stupid.. i nv expect him to think of that.. thinkin of sellin my hse to get money.. so many qn facin him askin him so if he sold the hse where we gonna stay, he cun even ans.. always thinkin that he can solve everythin at the tip of his finger.. he is jus crazy.. i cun believe and accept what he is tryin to do.. eyein on the hse.. a self fish father i can say..
when i noe bout all the things he has done, i just cun stop cying.. fur the last week of my sch term one, i have been crying all day long.. drainin all my energy off that i dun even have strength and mood to go school.. whatever i do, i will just tot of my hse and cries.. he may think that i dun care and i dun need that hse.. but he nv noe that i have deep feelins fur it.. i always feel that the hse is left by the onli person who cares bout mi alot in this world.. that is my grandma.. i have my whole childhood with my grandma and the whole hse jus remind mi of her.. now i feel that my father is a very heartless and cruel person.. one that i dislike lots now..
i jus wish that everythin realli ended.. n he will not create anymore trouble..
...La NaNa...
11:35 PM